I am still stressed over studio proj. I have less than a week to come up with the composition, sketch, stencil n final. wow like that's gona work.

anw, timbre tmr night! n new year eves celebration on thurs!!! Im excited

Somehow I don't feel like giving two shits about school work anymore. who the fuck is evil enough to give work on a damn 2 week break with christmas n the new year in it? wait that's the school of design I'm in

xmas

What's with the hope you've given

Is time not on our side or are you chasing it away?

@henderson wave

Usual rants, nothing new

I dont know what I want from this, I dont know what you want from this, I dont know where we are going, but clearly; its not going anywhere. Most of the time I wonder why I'm still hanging on.... and then I realize: I'm not willing nor able to let go. Sigh. What kinda shit have I gotten myself into. If only things weren't this way. I still don't know how I could've fallen for you... to this extent. It scares me. So I do have a heart, literally. I used to believe that I have no feelings in the aspect of love. Oh well I was wrong.

just some reminders to myself before I go to bed after a very, very unproductive day (tsk tsk):

1 Gotta go get a cover for my mac asap

2 Either the hectograph or carbon paper; whichever I can find. Creating the stencil does not look that easy; oh n the ink too (if Im getting hectograph paper cause as far as Im concerned carbon paper doesn't exist anymore)

3 Nice, properly shaded sketches + composition of my tattoo, explorations of different compositions (development section)

4 Finally, photoshopped tattoo on back -- not so easy please start soon cause you gotta get it printed as well, probably varnished or laminated after (whichever costs less)

Gotta go to bugis asap!!!

Fuck studio proj she always thinks that we only have work for her module

2nd in line: Colour studies emotion poster + images of friend's life

3rd in line: Lyric book (just a sample will do, 3 kinds of explorations -- water colour, marker n pencil shading, probably done in the sketchbook, square sized)

4th in line:

perhaps I can think of that (and so on) when the first three are actually completed.

(I) am not gona fall

This is the part where music and cigarettes don't do the job

I've been smoking a lot.

Call it karma

I just wana curl up in bed and drown my sorrows in my pillow

I love alexi laiho

thrashed, lost and strungout. best song to describe how I'm feeling.

So this is what it feels like. It sucks. well fuck that. we'll see what happens this week. It's like you keep on telling yourself after this week/day/whatsofuckingever n it never stops. I don't get it, how did it even happen in the first place?! Im having a war right now. against myself. I should have my feelings removed.... permanently. k maybe not. Im so confuseddddddddddd I hate myself right now I swear. I don't even focus on the things I should be focusing on. what's this called again?

ultimate bullshit.

I know one day I'll look back and laugh at myself about this.

I hate it when this happens

Hi everyone. I have been very tired lately; hence uninspired. My lecturer says that my concept's often good but the outcome isn't. Actually I knew that all along... I was just living in denial. Guess I really need my break. however there's christmas and damn do I hate it. not cause I'm "anti christ" but the few songs that play repeatedly everywhere u go n the family gathering's just something I never really looked forward to. on the brighter side (at least theres one), the new year is arriving n I am approximately 6 months to turning 18

-big, wide mischievous smile

I need to get it to the point where I'm gonna do,
Nothing but try to be strungout on you
Let me drown way deep down below
For the fleeting past you let go
Until the end I raise like a battering ram
Lookin' at my own reflection
Forever i shall kiss you goodbye
To kill my soul addiction

What if some things are destined to failure?
What if some things are never meant to be?
What if someone never sees?
What if someone never opens?
What if somehow we are different?

Though I never claimed to be right
Give to me the benefit of doubt

I brought you fires
That you put out
I brought you fires
For I cannot be without
I came with sadness
But this my shattered heart can't bear

What of the times in exile?
What of the hours passed?
What if touches seem too trivial?

You can never tell me I'm wrong
A song I've heard so long

I brought you fires
That you put out
I brought you fires
For I cannot be without
I came with sadness
But this my shattered heart can't bear

I came in madness
So this my shattered heart can't bear
My shattered heart won't bear

So what if healing takes forever?
So what if time is meant for others?
So what is left is but a shatter
And what is broken can't be whole
What is broken can't be whole again

I brought you fires
That you put out
I brought you fires
For I cannot be without
I came with sadness
But this my shattered heart can't bear

I dread school.... If it weren't for the work I gotta hand in/consultations I wouldn't be going man. Fuck ballz I need my sleep!!!! Sighhh cant wait for my hols. 2 weeks baby

Kingky says: (AM 12:04:17)

selamat hari raye

NABEICHEEBYEKNN + a thousand more swears

claire n I are semi happy today hahaha

I miss my holidays like fuck

my mom told me to be home by 10 from today onward. she think she queen.

time for more assignments

I like long posts

Hello everyone, for the thousandth time, I hate my life. Really, just let me rant. these few days my mood has been going up n down like crazy; it's unexpected, it's very drastic changes, it's fucking ridiculous. I'm scaring myself n everyone else but I can't help it... It's because of 1) my lack of sleep, 2) my fucked up paranoia, feelings n everything along that line n 3) stress. about 2), seriously, I'm going crazy over it. I don't want to care, but I fucking do, n I seem to be fighting with myself over it. my god if this continues I'll be in an asylum pretty soon.

I think I need a holiday, god yeah I do it's like the dec holidays (which aren't gona be any different from normal school days) are motivating me to finish up my fuckin assignments. I know it'll suck with assignments to be completed but let's just say we all need to live in denial some time. I think I sound like a mad fool now but seriously this is what's going on. I hate my feelings I sometimes wished I had none from the start. well Im moving on. I think n I hope. can someone save me from my sanity?! I need like starbucks n a day to relax. faster game would be alcohol n a good nights rest. sigh..

Btw friday was gd, went out with nicole n gabriel. gabriel drove us to some place at bukit timah for ice cream, cause we all shi lian. hah oh we had fei fei before that! wasn't really hungry but I ate anw. so after ice cream we headed to some huge park I never knew existed. it's damn cooling there at night but I guess if there was less people there it'd be a better place to be emo about your life. plus the bridge's so high it's so easy to just jump off. nah kidding. nice place thou. ok then.... sat. met up w dawn n celeste for dinner at soup spoon.. first time there. we talked n stuff... went to bugis n then of course parkway for pool. today was fine, I stayed home the whole day doing typo n now subrina's proj.

I think I just lost a friend. ok whatever it's not like it makes a difference to him. no one to call when I skip class n finish sch anymore! hehe maybe I should just stay in school n stick to plans frm now on.

All I hope for is that this coming week will not be as shitty as the last, really, I hate god enough already.

domo says: we are 17, whatever happens now is nth

made me think about how stupid I am n made me feel better, I should remember this forever

can't stop thinking

:'(

okay time to go back to heartless mode

funny how it used to be so easy

wtf is wrong with me I need to concentrate on projs they are way more important man.... but some things just never fail to get in the way I sound so fucking emo HEARTLESS MODE TINGYI, AND STAY THERE IF U CAN

gd night suckas

reminder: be heartless

but still.......

sigh

why now!!!

Let's all think twice before I get my heart broken.... for the very first time in history. I know that it'd be ugly.